Quick Run – 11/19

20 Nov

So, this was my first cold weather run.  It was 38 degrees, weather says it felt like 28.  Wind was 13 mph.  I wore my MCM green top and my NYC marathon jacket.  I had some old black yoga pants on and a super tight sports bra.  I ran an average of 7:53.  While my warm up mile was sub 8, I felt discomfort, like I could’t regulate my breath.  I don’t know if I can attribute that to the wind, the cold, the bra, or a combination.  I also felt hot.  I think my black running vest over the MCM top would have sufficed.  Each mile was equal in effort.  I didn’t feel like the last two got easier.  It wasn’t a bad run, it just wasn’t comfortable but it wasn’t difficult.  My breathing seemed a little quicker than usual.  Anyway, I warmed up pretty quickly, hands weren’t too cold.  I was wheezing a bit ahd coughed for a while.  Again, was it the wind and the quicker breathing?  I need to get in a routine and ensure I have weekly long runs.  i know I just ran my last marathon two weeks agon on 11/06.  I closed out that week with 29.2.  This week, it’s 11.16.

The question now is, 10 miles tomorrow or 8?  Will I have time?  Make it Monday?  No rush, but consistency is key.  I need a longer midweek run.  I need to set goals without a key race in mind, keep my speed workouts, and lift weights.

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The struggle

21 Jul

Yesterday I ran a 5k timed trial with Nike.  I don’t have the official results yet but I know I didn’t PR.  I felt out of breath right off the bat.  I took a couple of walk breaks just to catch my breath and also because I felt like my body was on fire.  I was supposed to keep up with the 21 minute group but I lost them about a half mile in.  At one point, the 24 pacer passed me.  It was about 85 degrees out, 79% humidity.  I’m thinking I did 25’45”.  We’ll see what the results show.  On my June 1 time trial, I cranked out a 23’07”.  It was about 75 degrees with 87% humidity.  I felt pretty discouraged but any run is a good run, right?  My hip also bugged me.  I can’t see the doctor until September either.  Self care until then.

The day I thought I BQ’d

19 Jul

I was sobbing as I crossed the finish line at the Chicagoland Spring Marathon.  This time, it was tears of joy.  I had BQ’d – 3:41:45.  Just a week earlier, I bawled as I crossed the finish line at the Wisconsin Marathon.  I called my daughter, wracked with emotion as I told her I had a miserable finish.  She asked how I did.  I told her 3:53:51.  She was quiet for a moment then said, “but mom, you broke 4 for the first time ever.  Boston will come.”  It was my quiet secret goal.  But it was a goal I pushed so hard for.  I paced myself at Wisconsin and tried to stick with people I felt were just ahead of where I needed to be.  I ran comfortably uncomfortable.  The wind killed me though.  Those 30 mph gusts made me feel like I was moving in molasses.  I was disappointed, heart broken, and determined.  I decided to try again and signed up for Chicagoland.  I paced with a group most of the way but then broke off towards the end.  I was tired.  I tried to keep pumping my legs but I had slowed down a bit.

I’m in my office, and a friend walks in.  She marvels over my progress.  I have my 2016 marathon race times posted on my wall:

2/14/16 4:05:18
5/7/16 3:53:51
5/15/16 3:41:45

She asks how I feel that I BQ’d and what my chances are of getting in.  I tell her I had to do a 3:45 and came in well under.  I pull up the Boston marathon website on my screen to show her the qualifying standards and my jaw drops as I stare at what’s in front of me.  3:45 is the  qualifier the 40-44 age group IF you’re 40 on race day.  Race day is April 17.  I turn 40 on April 20.  No.  NO NO NO NO.  My friend had disappeared already, I was in my own world of doom.  NO.  I had to hit a 3:40 because I fell in the 35-39 group.  NO.  I stared at my wall.  1 minute and 45 seconds too slow.  I hadn’t BQ’d.  I didn’t have a shot at 2017 yet.  I closed my office door, sat down in a state of shock then I bawled.  I called my daughter and told her (between heaving sobs).  She said, “mom, you’re going to Boston.” She sent me a list of races I could do before registration opens in September.  I called Zeke and told him I had failed.  He also said, “Violet, you’ve got this.”  I was devastated.  I couldn’t see my amazing progress because it was overshadowed by what I perceived to be total failure and disappointment.  You see, running’s what saved me.  Running made me realize I was good at something.  I have gained a lot since I took my first step (and lost a lot of fat).  I remember whispering, “it’s so hard, I trained so hard in the snow, in the rain, in the cold…”  I felt like giving up.  I wasn’t going to try anymore.  Zeke told me “so what?  Now you train in the heat, and you keep pusing, because you’re a bad ass.”  I do believe in myself, I do know what I’m capable of.  I know that when I set my mind, I am unstoppable.  But this, this crushed me.  I have re-drafted another training plan.  I’ve pored over articles, books, personal mileage logs, paces, and hope that in 8 weeks – GOD WILLING, I will BQ, for real this time.

8 Weeks

18 Jul

I’ve got 8 weeks to get BQ ready.  I also need to shed at least 10 pounds.  I once wondered if I could do two 20 milers back to back, and then I did.  I worried whether I could really run two marathons back to back, until I did.  I struggled with my weight and felt losing all the blubber would be impossible.  Since I started my marathon journey, I’ve shed close to 50 pounds.  I can see definition.  With all of what I’ve accomplished to achieve once caution was thrown to the wind, I truly believe I can do what I need in order to achieve a 3:30 or close to it.  I just need to put in the work, embrace the suck, and push forward.  I have my plan ready and now I just need to tackle each week from now until September 10th.  This is my final shot at a chance to run Boston in 2017.  I’m not going to let the pressure get the best of me, but I’m going to remain steadfast in my belief that I’ve got this.  This is my journey and I’m going to enjoy it.

I just ran the Christmas in July 6 hour timed race.  My goal was to finish a 20 miler with an average pace of 9 min/mile.  There was a small hill I charged each and every mile.  I think my average was a little slower than the target, but I’ll take it.  After that, I took some breaks and just enjoyed the scenery, walking and talking with friends, and watching the sun rise.  I could have easily hammered out a 50k but I didn’t want to push myself too hard.  My hip was hurting after 15 miles and I felt some ankle pain.  I’m going to follow up with the doctor to make sure there’s no serious issue.  I’m also going to continue to strengh train.  That Saturday, I was a little sore and by Sunday I was totally fine.  If I apply pressure on my hip, I feel a dull pain.  Let’s hope PT will help me eliminate the issue for good.

11 Mar

NINE LASTS

1. Last Phone Call: My mom
2. Vehicle Ride: our truck, coming home from a family party
3. Last CD Played: I don’t play CD’s much, I think the last one was a Valentine’s Day mix I made for Z
4. Last Bubble Bath: I can’t remember
5. Last Time You Cried: Friday, out of joy
6. Last Hug: tonight, from Z
7. Last time you really got upset: Friday, at my son
8. Last time you watched TV: now, first Chicago Fire episode
9. Last thing you ate: Vito and Nick’s pizza

EIGHT HAVE YOU EVERS

1. Have you ever dated your best friend: yes
2. Have you ever been arrested: yes
3. Have you ever skinny dipped: almost
4. Have you ever been on TV: yes
5. Have you ever had a dream about someone you knew: all the time
6. Have you ever felt like your parents favor one sibling over another?: I don’t think one was favored more, it’s just a different type of love
7. Have you ever stolen something?: yes
8. Have you ever been drunk?: it’s been a while

SEVEN THINGS YOU’RE WEARING

1. a ring
2 pajama pants
3. sock monkey slippers
4. contacts
5. mascara
6. pink glittery nail polish
7. a Blackhawks shirt

SIX THINGS YOU’VE DONE TODAY

1. eat a chocolate long john
2. think about running
3. online shopping
4. laundry
5. watch Girls
6. think about folding laundry

FIVE THINGS YOU LOVE TO DO

1. spend time with kids and honey
2. run
3. read
4. laugh
5. live

FOUR PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL [ALMOST] ANYTHING TO

there’s only one

THREE CHOICES

1. Eat or Drink? Eat.  
2. Skittles or Starburst? red starburst
3. Pink or Green? green

TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. fulfill my dreams
2.  see my children fulfill theirs

ONE THING YOU REGRET

1. holding  back

here we go again

23 Aug

I’m training for my third marathon.  I’ve been a little more consistent than the first two times but I was hoping to increase my speed.  I don’t know if that’s going to happen but I do know that these next 7 weeks are going to be intense.  I ran 6 miles the other day, averaging 10 minutes a mile.  I felt good.  I could have pushed myself but I wanted to take it easy.  I felt  physically stronger, more aware of my mechanics as I ran.  I wonder if it has to do with the yoga and strength training I’ve incorporated.  I can feel the way my body is changing.  Mentally, I’ve been strong.  I always have been.  That helps a lot in training.  I focus not on the pain or on the little doubt in the corner of my mind, but on what I want to accomplish.  I visualize myself attaining the day’s goal.  Sometimes, I visualize the big picture and that’s a little more overwhelming.  26.2 miles is a long distance.  So is running for over 5 hours straight.  People ask why I do it.  I say I run for team CPD because it gives me a purpose, some accountability.  I’d be lying if i said that was the only reason.  The main reason, the real reason, is that I run for myself.  I am proving to myself what I can achieve, what I am capable of.  That I have commitment, drive, the ability to see something through to the finish.  I’m running because my father told me I could do anything I set my mind to, that it all goes back to mind over matter.  When your body is tired and it’s telling your mind to stop, your mind can check it and push it to the end.  We are capable of so much but oftentimes, it is that small seed of doubt that can stop us from doing what we want.  I don’t have many running buddies, it gets lonely out there sometimes.  But I use that time to reminisce, think of where I’ve been and where I am now.  I talk to God, I talk to my father, my grandmother.  I think of my kids.  I think of so many things because running alone for so long for so many days, you start to get a little crazy!  The scenery helps to distract but when I can’t run along the lake and I have to circle around Midway, I feel like a hamster in a wheel.

I was thinking about how much this training is like keeping a relationship going.  You have to put forth the effort, the time, keep committed.  Sometimes, you don’t have the time and you miss a run, you make up for it and you give it your all.  You don’t give up.  Just like in a relationship, there are times you can’t give your partner, friend the time they deserve.  You get past it and you find the time and make it worthwhile.  Training doesn’t stop because of a few missed runs.  Relationships don’t end because you may not always be around.  You make up for it, it’s all about quality over quantity.

I think about my relationship with Z and I love how it’s become this well oiled machine over the past 6 years.  I never realized how good, how NORMAL a relationship could and should be, up until he came back into my life.  We are raising some fantastic and well rounded kids.  We have a great life, we are active, and we’re LIVING our lives.  That’s what love is all about.  As for my friendships, relationships with family, those are also great.  I’m so close to so many people who love me and who I love.  We don’t speak every day, we don’t see each other every day but when we do, we make the most out of it.  There have been a few friends and family members who have been guided by their own assumptions, insecurities, and selfishness who have judged me, set ultimatums, and distanced themselves because “I don’t make time” for them.  It saddens me but also opens my eyes and makes me value what I do have, the support and love of those who understand and know that life is happening and that they are in my thoughts, heart, and mind, even when they are not physically present.  In any relationship, I’m a lifer, even when you do something I don’t agree with.  I’m loyal and loving.  However, if you tell me you can’t handle what I give at my best, at my worst, in any situation, then I have to ask, what place do you deserve in my life?  i don’t need negativity, people who take low blows, criticize, judge.  I’m me and that’s who I’ll always be!

Overall, life is good 🙂

 

MIA

18 Jan

I’ve lost my snark!  Heehee.

I’m up kind of late but there’s always something to do in this house.  I need to learn to relax regularly so I don’t do it all in one day and neglect other things that require immediate attention.  I’m taking a break from chopping.  The crockpot is loaded with yummy ingredients for a delicious lentil soup I’ve made using different recipes and my own little personal touches.  It smells wonderful so far.  I really need to start writing down recipes.  I always find three or four I like and use ingredients from each one then make my own adaptation.  The bad thing is that I’m soooo forgetful that when I go back to make the same dish, it never tastes the same because I don’t write things down.  I mean it’s always good but ends up with different wow factors.  There are certain wows I want to replicate time and time again.  Other wows are forever gone.  

I’ve gotta go swap laundry loads then catch up on another episode of True Blood.  Last night I dreamt that my son had slipped into another dimension and the portal closed before I was able to join him.  I was tracking him using some app on my phone.  My dreams seem to get stranger and stranger each week.  Last week, I don’t know what I was dreaming but I woke up to Z gently nudging me to SHUT MY SNORING.  He said I tried to focus my gaze on him, told him “don’t try anything funny MISTER, I’ll kill you!” and went back to bed.  He thought it was hilarious so he decided to put his hand on my shoulder.  Apparently, that was fine with me because he’s still with us, lol.  

Well, the laundry awaits.  I also have to hide this tempting pound cake from myself before I devour it.  Last time, I forgot where I hid something tasty and searched and searched for it minutes later because I forgot it had to be refrigerated.  I swore I hadn’t left the kitchen with this darn dish.  After an hour of what I deemed to be a futile search, I finally found the dish, RICE PUDDING (just remembered) in the cabinet above the refrigerator.  I’m losing my marbles, truly.